


Not For Internal Use

by mistyzeo



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack, Humor, M/M, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-06-18
Updated: 2011-06-18
Packaged: 2017-10-20 13:07:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/213089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistyzeo/pseuds/mistyzeo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The hot produce guy has his hands full of cucumbers, and Jared knows what he would assume right away if he were in the guy's position.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not For Internal Use

**Author's Note:**

> Wanna listen? [Check out the podfic](http://cantapodpatrol.livejournal.com/15288.html) by [fishpatrol](http://fishpatrol.livejournal.com/)!

When it happens, it's totally not Jared's fault. He just really likes buying local produce if he can help it, and the Saturday market is the best place to do that. Also, Chad might have been playing a joke on him, but Jared can't get him to admit to anything. It's just that, at the grocery store none of the checkers will recognize you and remember if you do something stupid, but the market stall tenders absolutely will.

So it's pretty bad when Jared goes to get his wallet out of his pocket to purchase three huge cucumbers from his favorite totally hot produce guy that a fistful of condoms comes out at the same time. He also happens to be holding a tub of coconut butter from the natural health products stall across the way.

For a second they both stare at the multicolored packets all over the table and all over the produce, frozen in place. The hot produce guy has his hands full of cucumbers, and Jared knows what he would assume right away if he were in the guy's position.

He scrambles to gather them all up again, apologizing and spluttering and sounding like an idiot and a weirdo. Hot produce guy just smirks, bags the cucumbers, and takes Jared's two dollars.

Jared runs away rather than wait for his thirty cents in change.

A week later he's back, having forgotten the incident until the moment he walks up to the hot produce guy's stand, and then he's staring him in the face and blushing. Hot produce guy does have a name, Jared remembers, and then he wonders why he's thinking that now when the guy is starting to grin at him. He doesn't need a name to be a jackass about Jared's embarrassing condom explosion.

"Hi," ~~hot produce guy~~ Jensen says, and he draws it out until it's downright dirty. Jared blushes some more.

"Hi," he says quickly, trying to ignore the issue, "um, can I get a head of broccoli and a pound of spinach?"

"Sure thing," Jensen says, winking at him. Jared rocks on his heels, looking anywhere but at Jensen's ass. The handles of his reusable cloth bags dig into his wrists. "Three thirty four," Jensen says, holding out the spinach and broccoli. Jared takes it and tucks it away into his bag, and pays. Jensen takes the bills, makes change, and Jared smiles awkwardly and gets out of there as fast as he can. It's such a shame, too, because Jensen really is hot, and Jared would love to be that guy who makes smalltalk and tells good produce jokes and gets a phone number out of it in the end.

When he gets home he puts all the groceries away in the low energy fridge, and when he gets to the bag with Jensen's broccoli and spinach in it, he stops dead. There's a giant carrot at the bottom of the bag under the spinach, innocuously carved smooth. Apparently this is Jensen's idea of a joke.

Jared does not put it up his butt. He washes it and chops it and puts it in the soup he makes that night for dinner, and Chad doesn't complain that much about his organic bullshit.

All week he waffles between being indignant about the carrot thing and being weirdly impressed by it. He can't decide whether that was rude or hilarious. On the one hand, he doesn't know Jensen at all, and the condom thing was a mistake. On the other, maybe Jensen's trying to tell him something, namely that he should get laid more often, preferably by Jensen himself. The latter would be Jared's ideal, but he's not that delusional.

He goes back again, because while he is reasonable in his expectations he is also apparently a glutton for punishment. That, or he's crazy.

"Hey there," Jensen says as Jared walks up. He's wearing a green apron, folded in half and tied at his waist, and a clean white t-shirt that shows off his neck and biceps. His body is toned and sexy, and it's not from working out in a gym. He's a _farmer_ for Christ's sake, and that muscle definition is earned.

Jared is getting distracted. "Hi," he says. "Do I owe you anything extra for last week?"

Jensen smirks and crosses his arms, which bulge enticingly. "Nope, on the house."

"That was pretty fucked up," Jared says, "you know that, right?"

"Yeah," Jensen says, shrugging. "Probably was."

"Seriously inappropriate."

Jensen starts to look uncertain. "Look--"

"I mean," Jared goes on, "if you want to imply that I'm gay, or that I do obscene things with vegetables, you should do it to my face, over dinner."

"I'm sorry, man, it was a joke, I didn't-- wait, what?"

Jared raises his eyebrows.

"Over dinner?"

"I am gay," Jared says, "but I don't turn to produce for my satisfaction. Usually I just fuck men instead."

"Oh," Jensen says, and he looks both relieved and a little faint.

"So, dinner?" Jared says. He fishes a business card out of his wallet and takes Jensen's pen to write his cell phone number on the back.

Jensen takes it, stares, flips it over, and looks back up. "Jared," he says.

"Jensen," Jared agrees. Jensen starts to smile, and then he's grinning, and Jared's grinning back, and they both probably look like idiots. This is probably the part where he's supposed to walk away in triumph, having turned the tables on the weird, hot produce guy.

Jensen seems to think so too, because after a moment his smile fades a little, and he tilts his head expectantly.

"Also," Jared says, "I would like to buy some mushrooms."


End file.
